And in the example with the newlyweds, the reciprocity is one of the main factors sustaining the marriage. a reflection, to some extent, of the self.

Ken brings up that parental love is often considered a form of selfless love, but even there, the child is connected to the parent, i.e. People were very aware of the failings of their spouse in the beginning stages of the study, and indeed longevity was predicted by combining this awareness of failings with the unconditional love they each felt. Lynn explains a study done on newlyweds to predict the longevity of the marriage. John asks Lynn what the most surprising thing she has found about unconditional love in her research is. John and Ken welcome guest Lynn Underwood, Professor of Biomedical Humanities at Hiram College, Vice President at the Fetzer Institute, and co-editor of The Science of Compassionate Love and Altruism and Altruistic Love. So is unconditional love equivalent to selfless love for Ken? If so, the self gets in the way for most people Ken disagrees with John’s realism, and the duo continue their lovely conversation.

But, says John, what about bad behavior that goes unspoken, say, with domestic abuse and the often-occurring inability to let go of an abusive partner? That would be self-destructive love, replies Ken. When you love unconditionally, you want people to be their best self. People want to be loved for who they are and what they do! But just because you love somebody unconditionally doesn’t mean you don’t care about these factors, argues Ken. But being the recipient of such love is undeniably a good thing. Well, sustaining unconditional love is surely a difficult thing, admits Ken. And these two facts can kill even the seemingly most enduring love. If God existed, says John, then unconditional love would be easy for him/her, given the corresponding infinite patience and ability to forgive. But isn’t eternal love different from unconditional love, asks John? Unconditional love is the highest form of love, says Ken – most religions recognize this too, hence why they attribute unconditional love from man to God. But, asks Ken, what about parental love? Or romantic love? When unconditional love happens, it’s a beautiful thing! We all want somebody who will love us as time goes by. Unconditional love is rare and difficult, opens John.

What does unconditional love mean